These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
