I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize