My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
