Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize