hell yes lets make some ravioli
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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