Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
