Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
