im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
