we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
