My entire life is one complicated drinking game
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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