I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
