toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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