I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
