dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
