Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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