it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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