I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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