Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize