now i know why i became what i already was.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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