During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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