Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
