I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
