Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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