Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize