dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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