Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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