did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
