I'm jealous of your bromance
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
