Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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