We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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