So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
