i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize