Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
