And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
