Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We don't watch enough power rangers
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
