what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
