I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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