would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
