maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
