Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
