operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
