Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
