She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you had me at cake vodka
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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