Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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