she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
