I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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