How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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