I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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