shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
