It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
