i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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