Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
