I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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