I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
