if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
