Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
