i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
