I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
