Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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