yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
