in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We left the knife in your bed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize