dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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