Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
