I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
