I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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