I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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