Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
