I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize