apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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