You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i already hear my dad disowning me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
